The Walk
by She'sNoGLASSDOLL
Summary: It's not meant to be like this not what I planned at all. [songfic: sokai]


**To be honest, I really don't know what I think of this.**

**It came to me when I should have been working on my other story, and I was in the mood, so what the heck.**

**Let me know what you think!**

_Disclaimer: Obviously I don't own the song or the characters, because if I did, I would be living in Italy in a flat with my own orange Mac computer, not holed up in my bedroom with no air conditioning. _

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**Inside-out, upside-down, twisting beside myself.**

When this boy grabbed her hand and pulled her to him, she followed like an obedient dog.

**Total overload all systems down they've got control.**

Without_ him _she lost her ability to fight.

This boy whom she hardly knew tugged at her wrists and turned her face up to his. Her throat burned with impending tears, and when her words came out choked, it only further displayed her loss of control. All of her thoughts turned to _him_, the boy she should be holding hands with and leaning against for support, not this boy she hardly knew.

**Stop that now, 'Cause you and I were never meant to be.**

Without _him_, she could hardly stand.

But she didn't need him, no she didn't. He was just another notch in the book, another bracelet on the wrist. Except, he was her _first_. Her first kiss, first date, first **love.** Push these memories aside, she told herself, because they could only hurt her in the end. She twirled gracelessly on the dark dance floor, her face turned to the floor. Red hair shielded worn makeup and sleepless eyes.

**It's not meant to be like this. Not what I planned at all.**

Without _him_, no sleep came.

It was supposed to be a clean break, she reminded herself. It was better this way, for him to move on with his life, and her to move on with hers. She had been growing more independent and busy, and it **wasn't fair** for him. He could go on to better things and she could be left with her own responsibility. She could let herself go and be a tramp. She now had the freedom to destroy herself guilt free. Or so she thought.

**I don't want to feel like this.  
Yeah.**

Without _him, _it **wasn't fair** for _her_.

Then she was slipping, spinning to the floor in a tangle of underfed limbs and dripping tears. Her shoulders convulsed and her head shook back and forth. He was _gone_, and she knew it. And now she was a complete mess.

**It's just what I don't need. Why make me feel like this? It's definitely all your fault.**

Without _him_, there was no reason for her to try.

So she lay there in the middle of the floor in the shiny violet dress he bought her. It complimented her eyes, he had said. She could have only hoped that her eyes had been as beautiful as his. So bright blue, so full of life, and full of pain when she ended it… Her fist pounded on the floor, and like road kill, she splayed on her back on the floor with palms pressing into her eyes.

**Big trouble losing control. Primary resistance at a critical low.**

Without _him_, she felt just like road kill.

Arms wrapped around her waist and voices shouted in her ears. She twitched like a rabid animal, and twisted away from the EMTs. She couldn't see, she couldn't breathe, all she could do was think of _him_. His name rang out in her ears, so loud and desperate, and she vaguely recognized the voice as her own.

"Sora! _**SORA!**_"

**Point of no return one second to go.**

She felt like a fool for choosing to be without _him_.

Minutes, hours, years later she found herself in the stark white of a hospital room, formaldehyde stinging her nose and itchy cotton scratching her skin. Voices echoed from the hallway, and she strained her ears to hear.

"Witnesses say she just collapsed in the middle of the club."

"Will she be alright?"

"Well, we managed to give her some medication to calm her down, but she just kept screaming. You were the first person on her list of contacts that we could get a hold of."

Pause.

"Yeah, her family isn't too reliable."

She shut her eyes tighter, tears leaking from the sides. He was here at the hospital; he had come to her even though she had pushed him away. He knew the ins and outs of her like no other. He knew to come because no family ever would.

"Can I see her?"

His footsteps came closer to the bed, and she could smell his shampoo. The door to the room clicked shut, and he sat down in a chair with a deep sigh.

He had come. He was here. He was going to always be here.

As these thought's struck her, she was overcome with anger. Anger at him for being so good to her, anger at herself for being so horrible. She was furious, in the punch the wall, throw glasses against the wall kind of way, but she found the only thing she could do was cry.

When she felt his strong arms wrap around her and pull her to him, she fell against him, sobbing openly.

"Kairi," he whispered in her ear, stroking her hair. She continued to sob, her entire body shaking with the effort, pounding her fists against his chest uselessly. Finally, her breath ran out, and she collapsed on his chest. He just sat there, breathing calmly and stroking her hair.

"Kairi…. What happened?" he finally asked softly, his words laced with fear and concern.

She opened her eyes, and looked up into his sad eyes.

"You happened."

Without _him_, she realized she lost a part of herself.

**I don't want to feel like this. So that makes it all **_**your**_** fault.**

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**fin. let me know what you think! suggestions welcome!**


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